So I promised myself that I would no longer gossip, be catty or pass judgment on others. This lasted most of Monday until… The Bachelorette came on. I didn’t last 5 minutes before muttering things under my breath and later yelling out to my cat, “She’ll never love again, Gilligan!!!”
Let’s just start with the obvious.
“ She’s SO pretty!” Yeah, pretty stupid. Pauly Shore would be drop dead hot if we gave him long blonde tresses, fake boobs, veneers and a spray tan. That doesn’t take away from the fact that she literally never has anything to say unless it’s something along the lines of;
“Lil Ricky…” or “Me ‘n Lil Ricky…” or “Could you even like me.. and Lil Ricky?” or “I want more babies soon, just like Lil Ricky”
P.S. Lil Ricky’s name is not accurate. Giant Ricky is more like it. I have never seen a five-year old the size of their own mother? Although I’m sure it’s fun sharing clothes.
This last episode just put me over the top…
Her friends:
2 of her 4 BEST friends
What Really? I honestly couldn’t stop laughing. This is not for real people. I bet Brad LOVED double dating. Although kudos to the blonde Ricki Lake who forced the guys to take shirts off and do push ups. (Good thing she didn’t interview Kalon).
Either
a) She honestly doesn’t have any friends and so this was the best ABC could come up with (unpaid Craigslist gig?).
OR
b) She insists on being the prettiest of her friends and therefore surrounds herself with women twice her age, weight and level of boringness.
How selfish
I do feel a tiny bit bad for Emily (okay, no I don’t, who are we kidding). ABC really found some gems for her;
First she had to send Tony home because he wouldn’t stop crying (Dear ABC, if you subject your viewers to anymore drawn out fifteen minute cryfests we will revolt, this is the Bachelorette NOT Bachelor).
Then she had to listen to Ryan tell her he wouldn’t love her if she ever got fat. Personally I’m more horrified by his new facial hair development:
He was in the Hunger Games?
She had to spend time with the egg guy.
(Did anyone else feel really bad when they violently murdered Shelley?)
And finally she had to listen to the self-proclaimed Gypsy-Man, Alessandro tell her: “Being with you would be a compromise for me. Having to become a dad.” Oh and we can’t forget that he used to date his cousin.
cousin banger
Ouch. Better luck next week Ems.
Now that that’s out of my system I can go back to being a better person.
Wait, she loves cats! I take it all back now.
